


i need to know, how do you feel?

by theinsanelycooltheatrekid



Series: do you know / how in love with you / i am? [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Jared Kleinman, hand-holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27358996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsanelycooltheatrekid/pseuds/theinsanelycooltheatrekid
Summary: And as your laughter dies out and he snuggles into your neck, smile still burned onto his face from where you can feel him against your skin, you think that maybe you could die like this.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Series: do you know / how in love with you / i am? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979611
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	i need to know, how do you feel?

**Author's Note:**

> final part guys- EVERY WORK IN THIS SERIES HAS THE EXACT SAME WORDCOUNT SOMEONE BE IMPRESSED PLS

You shouldn’t be surprised when you hear a rock hitting your window. It’s him; who else would it be?

Jared hauls himself through and you snort quietly as he flops face-down on your bed. It’s not actually all that late; you weren’t asleep yet. Which- actually, doesn't say all that much; sleep doesn't come easy to you anymore. You don’t know if it’s insomnia, exactly; the feeling in your chest that feels like falling off the precipice of a rollercoaster whenever you think about-

“Evan,” he says quietly, and that’s when you realise maybe you shouldn’t be laughing. 

“Wha- Shit, Jared, are you- are you okay?”

He sniffles from where he’s lying, a pathetic whimper of a sound, but you’re glued to the spot. You don’t want to assume but it sounds an awful lot like he’s crying- no, but Jared wouldn’t come to your house just to cry, that’s your job. 

“Jare?”

That’s when he sits up and fumbles for your hand, tugging you to sit beside him. His face is red and scrunched up and you feel your heart twist. He’s been doing that more and more; while you’re watching a movie, while you’re walking together, whenever he can see you getting riled up; the soft weight of his hand in yours, the way he laces your fingers together and absentmindedly strokes his thumb along the side. “Fuck- Jared? Are you, like- aright?”

“Please stop asking me that.”

His voice is raw, and now you know for certain that he’s upset. The familiar feeling of inexplicable guilt wells up in your stomach. “Sorry.”

He sighs, drawn out and exaggerated, angrily swiping at his eyes with the back of his other hand. You’re unsure of what to do; you simply watch, your hand in his. 

How is he so perfect at comforting you, but now the switch is flipped, you’re sitting here, clueless? You feel worse by the second, your mind flashing over every single incident that had led to you at Jared’s house, crying; you rack your brain for every single way he’s comforted you, how you’d always wind up feeling that much better. 

You think for a while. 

There’s never any one thing. 

It’s just that he’s  _ there.  _

“Hey,” you try, voice entirely too soft. 

“Please don’t go?” He asks, eyes round and wide and shiny and so  _ hopeful. _

“Where would I go, Jared?” 

It’s silent, then; as close to silent as it can get. You find yourself subconsciously doing Jared’s little thing, running your thumb back and forth over the soft skin of his hand, that one point of contact between the two of you almost heart-sickeningly intimate. You know he’s still looking at you while your gaze is fixated on your intertwined fingers, pulled now into your lap; you can feel it. 

“Evan.”

“Hm?” Your eyes shoot to his face immediately. The soft light illuminates his features just as every cliche says it should, and his eyes sparkle just so, and now you’ve started looking you have no idea how you're going to stop.

He chuckles wetly and tugs on your hand. “M’alright now, Ev.”

The nickname brings a high flush to your cheeks. “You- You sure?”

“You’re here.”

“I am?” You respond, a little confusedly, because Jared’s looking at you with such sincerity, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen that look on his face before. When he doesn’t respond you repeat yourself, a little surer this time; the words feel good coming out of your mouth the second time; they feel affirming. “I am.”

And then you’re being tackled to the bed; he’s laughing, you're laughing, even as it’s still dark and his face is still wet and the window still propped open lets in an icy breeze; he’s squirming around in your arms and you reach up to poke his cheek and he grins at you, wide and cracked and  _ real  _ and you can’t help it when the words fall out, you have to tell him because it’s never been truer than  _ right now _ -

“Fuck, Jared, I’m so in love with you.”

For a moment the both of you freeze and you’re brain flips through a million different follow-ups, none of which you say because even  _ you  _ know it’s pointless to follow up something like  _ that  _ with “as a friend” but there’s not too much time to panic because Jared leans in, presses his cheek to yours and asks quietly-

“Really?”

And what can you do but nod? So you do, and then he’s kissing you, and suddenly the ice cold breeze doesn’t matter anymore. 

He pulls back a second later, mouth slightly open. “I’m in love with you too.”

You stare at each other for a beat- and there’s a million things to be found in staring into Jared’s eyes but you can’t list them right now because Jared’s lips quirk just the tiniest bit and you’re both collapsing into helpless giggles, his head falling to your chest. “Fuck, Evan-”

“ _ Jared- _ ”

You can barely speak through your laughter and you hear something in his laugh that you’ve never heard before. It’s got a softer quality to it; he’s laughing  _ with  _ you, not  _ at  _ you; but oh, it’s so much more than that, because his smile is a million times brighter and  _ god,  _ even the harsh, objectively annoying sound of his laugh is just absolutely captivating. You never want it to end.

He’s giggling into your chest and it  _ tickles  _ but you can’t bring yourself to move because not only are you also too busy wheezing, it feels  _ so much better than you’d ever dreamed of _ .

And as your laughter dies out and he snuggles into your neck, smile still burned onto his face from where you can feel him against your skin, you think that maybe you could die like this. 

“Hey. Why were you crying?” The question springs to your lips almost immediately as you recall why Jared came over here in the first place. He stiffens against you and you clamp your mouth shut. 

“Uh. You.”

“Me?”

“You.”

He doesn’t elaborate but you don’t think you need him to. Your heart stutters in the realisation that people do, in fact, think about you; that you exist in other people’s minds, in  _ his  _ mind, but you can’t dwell on it because there’s a very pretty boy laying in your arms and that’s far more important. 

You lay there together, just breathing together, the rise and fall of your chests synchronising as one. He traces a finger along the length of your arm before settling his palm in yours and you feel yourself relax into his touch, butterflies thrumming low in your belly. 

You think again for a second, which usually ends you up in a spiral, but this time all you can think is that no, you couldn’t die like this. 

You want to live like this.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are highly highly appreciated i love u guys


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